Crossroads

For the past few months I would just sit home, cry and zone out accomplishing nothing productive. Or I would go out and about to distract myself. Either I was at my highest or lowest, there was no middle ground. I am not the type of person to open up to just anybody, so most people really had no clue how I was coping. I have always been the type of woman who "fakes it till she makes it". Because only my closest friends saw my pain, it seems like I have been unfairly judged by those on the outside looking in. That is unfortunate, but if I have learned anything from my therapist, it is that there are no rules for grieving. It is an individual journey and no one walks down the exact same path. Everyone has an opinion on which path I should take, but ultimately it is my journey alone.

I have come to a crossroads. I have come to terms with the fact that no matter what I do, someone will be there pointing their finger judging me. When I show my sadness it seems that people think that I need to get a grip and deal. When I show my stregnth and willingness to move forward it seems that people think that I am not properly mourning my husband. So what it comes down to is that I am going to stop letting people's opinions bother me. I am doing what I need to do, and I know that I am making Mike proud. And that is all that matters!

Today starts a new chapter in my life. No more fear. I am a strong woman who can accomplish anything she puts her mind to. I cannot and will not let anyone bring me down. I will succeed! I can do this! I must do this! This is my life and it is time to take control!