Memorial Tattoo

On Sunday I got my memorial tattoo for Mike. I absolutely love it!

Our wedding song was Metallica's "Nothing Else Matters". "So close not matter how far...", is the first line of that song. That line has so much meaning to me when I think of Michael. I loved that the artist's handwriting very much resembled Mike's writing. That put the icing on the cake!

Mike's favorite place on earth was Hawaii, and his favorite activity in Hawaii was whale watching. Mike took me to Hawaii in December of 2006, and it was a trip of a lifetime. I have so many fond memories of that vacation. We dreamed of growing old together and retiring there.

Mike and I are both into ink. Mike had 4 tattoos when he died. He had plans for many more. Mike's memorial tat makes 4 for me. I find that very fitting.

Mission Accomplished!

May 2, 2009: the 20th anniversary of my mother's death. And I couldn't help but think how it would be so much easier to get through Mike's death if she were here with me. So I was not only mourning my husband, but also my mother... I guess that explains my total meltdown.

This evening went much better than earlier in the day where I just cried for hours on end. Friends came over, some cooked me dinner, others helped me clean, and even a few managed to get me to go out with them. I was smart and took some Ativan before we left, and it seemed to do the trick! We went to two bars. The first to see a band play, and the second for karaoke (no I did not sing). I didn't drink, and I didn't eat any nasty bar food. Both bars were packed, one very smokey, but I survived!

I went out, did something social, and managed to come home in a good mood and feeling perfectly fine. I am so happy that I did not let last night's failed attempt keep me down. Because tonight for the first time since Mike died, I found some normalcy! I went out and enjoyed myself. I was just Jess with no strings attached and no black cloud over my head. It felt good to be free...