Arguments with other readers will not be tolerated within my blog. If you have a problem with someone's comments please do not bring that drama here. I created this blog as an outlet for myself and a way to share my feelings and experiences with those who care.
I am just trying deal with my husband's death the best way that I can. Everyone grieves differently, and we all need to respect that. There are many people who loved my Michael and we are all dealing with his tragic death in our own way and in our own time.
Some of us have anger and resentment that he was taken too soon and we let that manifest in negative ways. Feelings will be hurt, misunderstandings will take place, and a shit storm will follow.
Some of us while we miss him with our whole beings, are unable to feel anger because of our spiritual/religious convictions. We are able to find comfort in the fact that he is in a much better place than this world. We find hope in knowing that one day we will be reunited again.
Ultimately, we all loved Michael. And although we cannot see eye to eye it is important to remember that we are all hurting. Much love to everyone who grieves Mike. Though we are walking down separate paths our destination remains the same.
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Monday, July 6, 2009
Picking up the pieces...
Another sleepless night. Thoughts running through my head. I wish there were a way for me to explain what I am feeling where people could actually "get it". I realize that I am different. That I do not have the same thought processes as most people. I know that no matter how hard I try no one will truly get why I do the things I do, or say the things I say.
I have experienced a lot in my 29 years on this earth. And I think it is because of how much I have experienced that I am "different". When I feel something I experience raw emotion. I feel it with my whole being, it hits me hard like a tsunami. There is no warning and the wave is all consuming. If I am strong enough to get through the flood the water will recede and the reconstruction must begin. Unfortunately, my life has been one series of unfortunate events after another. If I dwell on the past I will never get to experience the joys of the present because the future always seems to hold more heartache.
Mike got it. He was the one person on this earth who understood me. There is no doubt that he was my soulmate. And now that he is gone I almost feel like an alien. Our relationship may have seemed odd to most people. But it made sense to us! We were happy and loved each other, and that is all that matters in the end. He got me, and I got him. And that is really what true love it all about!
So here I am alone to pick up the pieces after his death. I feel as if I am being judged. It seems that when I was feeling weak, it was too weak and people thought I was over-reacting. And now that I am feeling stronger, people think I am moving forward too quickly and that I am not fully letting myself grieve.
I just wish that people could understand me the way Mike did. I wish that there was a way for them to see what Mike saw. I wish they could understand that though I may not make any sense to them, my grieving process makes total sense to me and to the one I am grieving. In my heart I know that Mike still gets it and he is with me every step of the way. And in the end I guess that is all that really matters.
I have experienced a lot in my 29 years on this earth. And I think it is because of how much I have experienced that I am "different". When I feel something I experience raw emotion. I feel it with my whole being, it hits me hard like a tsunami. There is no warning and the wave is all consuming. If I am strong enough to get through the flood the water will recede and the reconstruction must begin. Unfortunately, my life has been one series of unfortunate events after another. If I dwell on the past I will never get to experience the joys of the present because the future always seems to hold more heartache.
Mike got it. He was the one person on this earth who understood me. There is no doubt that he was my soulmate. And now that he is gone I almost feel like an alien. Our relationship may have seemed odd to most people. But it made sense to us! We were happy and loved each other, and that is all that matters in the end. He got me, and I got him. And that is really what true love it all about!
So here I am alone to pick up the pieces after his death. I feel as if I am being judged. It seems that when I was feeling weak, it was too weak and people thought I was over-reacting. And now that I am feeling stronger, people think I am moving forward too quickly and that I am not fully letting myself grieve.
I just wish that people could understand me the way Mike did. I wish that there was a way for them to see what Mike saw. I wish they could understand that though I may not make any sense to them, my grieving process makes total sense to me and to the one I am grieving. In my heart I know that Mike still gets it and he is with me every step of the way. And in the end I guess that is all that really matters.
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