May 2, 2009: the 20th anniversary of my mother's death. And I couldn't help but think how it would be so much easier to get through Mike's death if she were here with me. So I was not only mourning my husband, but also my mother... I guess that explains my total meltdown.
This evening went much better than earlier in the day where I just cried for hours on end. Friends came over, some cooked me dinner, others helped me clean, and even a few managed to get me to go out with them. I was smart and took some Ativan before we left, and it seemed to do the trick! We went to two bars. The first to see a band play, and the second for karaoke (no I did not sing). I didn't drink, and I didn't eat any nasty bar food. Both bars were packed, one very smokey, but I survived!
I went out, did something social, and managed to come home in a good mood and feeling perfectly fine. I am so happy that I did not let last night's failed attempt keep me down. Because tonight for the first time since Mike died, I found some normalcy! I went out and enjoyed myself. I was just Jess with no strings attached and no black cloud over my head. It felt good to be free...
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im so so so so so happy for you!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeletei knew the day would come and more will follow i am so happy that there are people up there to look over you since i am further away. i am so proud of you and so is mike. he will get you thru this.
ReplyDeletebonaparte
i know the feeling!!! it makes uf eel so good because u made progress and im sure u def didnt expect it to happen!! good job girlie :) yay!
ReplyDeleteJess I am glad that you had a good day. Either log on aim or give me a call sometime to chat.
ReplyDeleteDan