Overwhelmed...

I can't do this all on my own.
I am far too broken.
Everything is so overwhelming...

No matter how hard I try I cannot get back finding any type of normalcy. I try to go out and do something and I physically just cannot do it. Emotionally, I am a walking on a landmine field, and with every step another bomb goes off sending me into a fury of emotions. I can't seem to accomplish any of the tasks at hand. I am falling apart, my home is falling apart, my life is falling apart. Even the mundane everyday tasks of my life seem to be too much for me to handle.

Michael and I were the type of couple to drop everything if someone needed help. Yet, in my time of need I am unable to ask for help. It is not in my nature. I wish it were different, but it is who I am. Everyone has told me, "if you need anything call". Obviously, I am not going to call. I shouldn't have to call. My husband is dead, my world is shattered... You would think that those close to me would realize I am going to need help.

It seems very few people have been able to look past themselves and their own needs the way Mike and I always had for them. It feels as if I am just an afterthought. It is only after their needs have been fulfilled and the time is convenient for them that maybe, if I am lucky they just might think about me and if I need some help. It makes me feel so sad. So angry. So alone.