It's been two weeks since Mike has been gone. Thanks to Ativan I am finally able to get through the day without the horrible anxiety attacks. Perhaps now I can begin to face some of those important tasks at hand without having a nervous breakdown. Unfortunately, I am not allowed to drive because my blood pressure is dangerously elevated due to the anxiety. Hopefully the meds will kick in soon...
I am finally finding that the days are getting easier as opposed to harder. I am even sometimes able to look at a picture of Mike and not bawl my eyes out. I am beginning to see that I still have a future ahead of me and even though Mike is gone, he will be a large part of my future in many ways. I have begun reading, and finding a lot of comfort in a few books on widowhood, grieving, and moving on after the loss of a loved one.
I have managed to start sorting through Michael's clothing. I am finding that I am keeping quite a bit more than I thought I would. There are so many shirts that have sentimental value. However, I am finding that it is quite easy to look at a shirt and know which friend he would want me to give it to as well. It is a good thing the man had a million shirts!
I am so thankful for my friends. No matter where in the world they are or how long it has been since we last spoke, they are present in my life sending encouragement. It is times like these you truly learn who your "real" friends are. I am especially thankful for my Kate. She is not only helping me to get through the end of this chapter, but she is also providing a way for me to look forward to the beginning of my new chapter.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
i am very very proud of you and happy that you have successfully moved forward to get some things done. thats very healthy for you. and it does get a bit more easy over time, not easy without pain, but easy to deal with the pain. and eventually you will have it very undercontrol and you will feel good about yourself because you will realize how strong and indestructible you are!! I think it's good that the dogs are around you too, because it is showing you that you still HAVE to take care of certain things in your life. Keep going strong Jess!!!! but remember, it's ok to break down along the way!!
ReplyDeleteyou made it two weeks you are doing good. i wish a had amagical cur but all i can do is be there for you. i am trying to come up soon i hope even if just overnight. i am mailing you out something. i hope it helps.
ReplyDeleteof all the years ive known you, your strength never ceases to amaze me. i wish i had a quarter of it. but if you need it, you can have all i have. my ear, my shoulder and my home are your whenever girl!!! LWS forever!! aladdin rules!!
ReplyDeleteJess...my name is Kate Mirth. I am Mike and Andrea Mirth's sister in law. I am so deeply sorry for your loss. Although we have never met, you have been in my thoughts. I am sincerely sorry.
ReplyDeleteHi Jess! Its Maureen and I want to let you know you have been in my thoughts and prayers. You are an amazing person with such an awesome, joyful heart who is doing a heck of a good job with all that is on your plate. Know that I am here for you.
ReplyDelete