Numb.

Today is difficult. It is my first full day alone at home since Mike died. There is so much I need to get done. But here I sit, numb, hiding behind my laptop. I cannot find joy in anything that used to bring me pleasure. I force myself to eat though all I want to do is puke.

I am so tired. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually, I am just a shell of the woman I was with him. I am not angry. I am sad, lonely, and full of anxiety. I understand that it was his time to go home. I can see how many people’s lives he touched in so many ways. But I miss him so much. Our eight years together we fit in more than some couples do in 25 years. I am so grateful for that. Still, I would give anything in this world to spend just one more hour with him.

I am lost without Mike. He was my perfect soul mate, my best friend. For the last 8 years I was so content being Mike’s girlfriend/fiancé/wife that I lost touch with who I am as an individual. Now, here I sit all alone, not knowing who I am or what I am going to do now that he is gone.