Mike and I had purchased tickets for a concert a few months ago. We were supposed to go with another couple. He was excitedly anticipating seeing two of his favorite bands (along with a few others). One of his favorites, he had not yet experienced the pleasure of seeing live before. Unfortunately, he died exactly one week before the concert...
I had made a vow to myself the day Michael passed away that I would not let my grief consume my entire life. No matter how sad, anxious, and pathetic I am feeling I will not allow myself to wallow in my misery for an entire day. I vowed to shower, get dressed, and leave the house everyday no matter how swollen my eyes and drained I feel. Mike was full of life, he lived his to the fullest, and he would expect me to continue to do the same even though he is gone.
I decided that I needed to go to the concert in Mikes honor. He would have been angry with me if he and I both did not get to go. So I gave his ticket to one of his friends and after a long day of crying my eyes out, I pulled myself together and the four of us headed out.
The concert was harder than I thought it would be. When we first got there I began to tear up. It was one of the many firsts I will have to experience without him. I have such fond memories of many concerts together. However, I was able to get it together without anyone noticing.
It was not till the last band took the stage that I really lost it. I was doing fine till some guy nailed me in the back. It really hurt and sent me flying forward. If Mike were there with me he would have been standing behind me to protect me from the stupid drunk people. But Mike was not there to protect me and he never will be there to protect me again. I got weepy pretty quickly after that.
Once they started playing one of his favorite songs, the tears started to flow. There was no hiding them now. So there I stood, the girl crying at the rock concert. I can only imagine what it looked like to people around us. Everyone is rocking out to the music, and I standing there with tears streaming down my face. My friends notice that I am crying and then they start to tear up too. What a group we must have looked like, the sad young widow and her circle of friends consoling her.
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dude, who gives a fuck what anyone thought! you're allowed to do whatever you what, whenever you want, and you dont have to answer to the masses. wear your plaid shorts and mismatched plaid shirts with pride! i love you and you will persevere. you made it though another day and the first really hard thing to do without mike. we are all proud of you, and more importantly, mike is really proud of you
ReplyDeleteim really glad you went and im glad you got through it jess
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