Saturday, June 20, 2009
Not all shoes are the same.
One of the things that really has been bothering me lately, is people whom I am sure mean well, trying to tell me how I should be reacting or feeling. Unless someone has experienced watching their spouse drop dead in front of them, no matter how much they try to relate (be it an illness, the death of a family member, or a divorce) they cannot fully understand exactly what I am going through. Just as I cannot fully understand what they went through. I realize that it is only human nature to try and relate one's tragic experiences to that of another in hopes of making a connection. But ultimately everyone's experience is different, and everyone handles things in their own time and in their own way. What works for one person may have no meaning whatsoever for another.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
You have said it perfectly! I can't remember how I found your blog... my husband passed away on Monday (cancer) and my brain is mush. This is the exact way I am feeling too. Watching a spouse die (WAY TOO SOON) is horrible and terrifying. Feel what you want to feel. Listen to your heart and grieve in the only way you know how.
ReplyDeletePrayers and blessings to you,
Jackie
http://bartak.blogspot.com
True, no one knows what you're going through. But there is an understanding of pain and suffering, and it is only human nature to reach out and try to let you know there's a light at the end. Sharing of experience is helpful to some, and apparently not so helpful for you. Your point is taken.
ReplyDeleteOh Jess... I always make it a rule that those who are not brave enough to leave their name on a comment should not give unnecessary advice. Losing a spouse in your 20's does not come close one's natural understanding of pain and suffering. If you haven't gone through this, then you don't know about the light at the end.
ReplyDeleteSorry, I'm bitter that it's Father's Day and my 3-year-old will be "Dad-less" for the rest of his life. I'm with you, I don't want to hear about a friend losing her grandma because it doesn't come close to the pain I feel.
Take care!
Jackie
PS Sorry for being to blunt... feel free to delete my comment. You won't hurt AT ALL hurt my feelings!
"too blunt", not "to blunt"... sorry for the typo!
ReplyDeleteNo two situations are the same. Loosing a person who you love and care about effects everyone differently. It also depends on how you loose them, if you were expecting it from some disease or a sudden death.
ReplyDeleteI lost my father suddenly, my grandfather slowly, my grandma slowly, and a close family friend all of a sudden. The first 3 of those effected me a lot, and still do at times. And my dad was almost 19 years ago.
You are a strong woman Jess, your just going through a lot. When it gets bad, instead of just hidding alone give a call, or text. Don't say I should know you enough that you will just hide I don't care :p. Everyone needs a friend when they are at their lowest.
Dan
Thanks guys!
ReplyDeleteJess, Amen to everthing you said. My Richard dropped dead right in front of me the very day your Michael did the same right in front of you. As a person who can come the closest to knowing how that feels, even I don't know the depth and breadth of your particular loss 'cause you're the one and only Jess grieving the loss of her beloved husband Michael. Thinking of you in our 11th week of missing our guys...
ReplyDelete